Best friends=money?

As I was getting ready leave to home today morning, I was listening to the BBC London morning radio talk show. One of the themes being discussed was- how many good friends do you actually have?

This was being asked in the background of a news item in one of the news papers here. It raised the issue of how folks here don't have too many friends. It apparently reports that people are increasingly turning to their families to share their thoughts, problems, how nasty their husband has been or how you burnt the toast today morning...you get the drift, right?

What really caught my attention is when the host said- 'you know who your real friends when you are in trouble and ask for money'. Hmmm...I wonder if that is a fair assessment of what a good friendship is about. My personal opinion is that money destroys relationships - as in, it comes in between families and friends if not dealt with sensitivity/sensibility. You got to be sensitive to the fact that you must return the money ASAP, and be sensible not to feel obligated or guilty just because you have borrowed money. Why? Because not everyone has the maturity to separate lending money from just the friendship. Now, does that mean that your best friends are only those who have maturity? Something to think about, isn't it?

I once gave Rs.10,000/- to a really good friend of mine who said he needs the money to give USLME ( the American entry point exams for residency in medicine). He was a really good friend of mine and was a very honest guy. When I gave him the money I was working my butt off in my residency program in Bangalore. I was earning Rs.3000/- a month (those blood suckers in my hospital!) and had saved this money over nearly 2 years. I did think if what I was about to do was the right thing but decided to give the money to him. He was trying to get on with his career, to study further. And I believed that helping him at that point was the right thing to do. I waited for him to give my money back. After 2 years I asked him gently and he said he would give it to me. He was having family problems he said. Now after 6 years I know that money will never come back to me. The stuff that really gets to me- he never gave those exams! I did curse him in the past but now I have let it go, made peace with myself that I tried to help when I was not well off financially myself, and that's that.

When Aj came here things didn't go as planned and we had to borrow money from various people. It was not small amounts of money. If you live in London you will know that it is nearly impossible to live without a decent amount of money. We returned all of it slowly. It was a tough balancing act - to return money and be comfortable yourself. Our friends told us to take time and return it when we had enough. But, we were firm that it is better to give it back as and when possible, because you never know where life takes you. You may find that you need the money for something else and the friend has to wait which in turn leads increases the strain on your friendship.

But, today morning I did ask the question the host asked- 'How many friends do I have that will give me money if I am in trouble ?'. I am quite happy to say that I have five such friends. However, I still find it difficult to equate good friendship with only those who will give me money when I am trouble. Although,I must admit that if you don't have money then you are in pretty deep shit. And you need your friends most when you are in ? Yes, when you are in deep shit!

So my question to all of you is - How many friends will give you money if you are in trouble? Plus, is that a fair point of judgement of a how good a friendship is?