What do you want?

‘What are the two things you would like to do in your life?
What do you actually want to live for?’

This was the question our friend Sean asked the four of us (San, his wife Ba , Aj and me), when we were at Broadstairs, at about 1130 pm 2 weeks ago.
I had just submitted my dissertation and was feeling kinda happy with the wine flowing through my veins. Aj was relaxing too though he wasn’t drinking. San was really high on wine but his wife Ba, seemed pretty sober. Sean who was asking us this question was looking really charged and was not very sober.

So, we started saying what we wanted to do in our lives. Remember this was not a touchy-feely question he wanted answer for (like I want to love/be loved, appreciate life etc). It was a very concrete question, as in, what do you want?

Ba: Wants to be Lance Armstrong and wants to teach English literature. She spoke passionately about how she felt that language makes you feel that you belong with the community you live in. She is currently working for the BBC.

San: Wants to be someone very famous. Like a famous footballer or something. Why? Because he wanted to experience the wealth, power and fame that comes with it. Apart from that he wanted to be a good consultant psychiatrist (he is on his way to becoming one)

Sean: Wants to be someone famous too! He spoke about how he would love to be in front of the media/reporters like the Formula 1 drivers. He wanted to be very good /famous for something. Like maybe write a book or something.

Aj: He said that whatever he did he wanted to do it well. Wanted to be a good doctor, good husband (awwww….now you see why I love him to bits? J), good at his cooking ….he said he wanted to be, what they call a renaissance man. His other desire was to become a professor and get a few publications in good journals (I think he is on his way to doing that).

Me: I said I wanted to become a good photographer/a documentary filmmaker. Considering the costs, I think I will end up learning photography. Plus I want to have an exhibition of my work. Secondly, I want to continue to work in Public Health especially with women. I hoped that it would be in the SE Asia region as it is a region I know and feel for.

I have been thinking about this conversation ever since. I have been asking myself if I can actually do what I am hoping to do. I know that there is not much money on that path. It makes me wonder if it is right on my part to follow my heart. I am not very young after all. Maybe it is time for me to start thinking like a married woman and think of savings etc. I am still thinking....chances are that I will follow my heart, but I don’t want to do it without weighing out all emotions and thoughts on the matter. Meanwhile I don’t want to rush into a job and start making money. I might just let the hard job of processing my thoughts, slip by.

So, I am asking the small set of readers of my blog -
‘What are the two things you would like to do in your life?
What do you actually want to live for?’