What did I end up thinking about during December? Like many I thought of what the last year had been like and where the next year would lead me.

1) I have realized that changing careers is NOT easy - AT ALL. The process is so painful that I now understand why so many folks just stick to doing what they were initially trained for. I would like to say what some self-help books would like us to believe- that following your heart is somehow liberating and ‘unleashes your creativity’. Unless you‘ve got a fairly good back up plan it sucks – big time. I didn’t have a very good back up plan but I had a fantastic partner. Therefore though I did go through one of the worst phases of my life this last year I still had a lot to be thankful for. Now, I am building up my back- up plan and holding on to the ‘following my heart’ dream.

2) I have realized that when you try to change the way your career goes most people you know will make you feel like you are a fool and that adds to the problem. This hurt me more than I thought it would. This has increased my awareness to be supportive of others dreams. I now rarely give cynical opinions to people who share their problems, plans for the future and their decisions. I try to be there –unconditionally.

3) Being a doctor in India one is made to feel like they to somehow ‘serve’ people. A kind of warped social expectation that you are supposed to work like a dog for crumbs, not complain about how tough it is / how others are having it easy because the ‘respect you get for being in the healing profession is unique’- what a load of tosh! If there are any doctors who feel torn between making money and working for a ‘decent salary’ – let me tell you are being grossly underpaid for what you do. I have understood this completely this year and it has reduced my guilt for not working in a hospital. Don’t get into a full time academic life – unfortunately it is the same there too. Now only if this year brings in a little more money than last year…

4) I now know that life is truly about ‘going with the flow’ and enjoying the ride.

5) I have realized, yet again, that parents/elders are not always right. They can pull you down. They can add their own anxieties onto you and expect you to react the way they do. Somehow they don’t realize till very late that they need to be more confident in the way they have bought us up and trust our decisions.

6) I now know that the whole Hindu ideology of ‘karma’/’there is a reason why something bad happens which you will realize in the future’ is basically a load of bullshit. It doesn’t empower people. Just makes them fatalistic which again sucks –BIG TIME.

7) I now know that the whole Christian ideology of ‘repenting’/ ‘working on the guilt’ is basically used to manipulate people emotionally. Saw so many examples both in Aj’s family and outside that makes me feel pretty good for being a ‘karmafreak’ J Plus, now the Pope now says using condoms in not that bad after all. Took AIDS to make folks realize that confessing your sins to the Padre doesn’t help. Thank God for that.

8) This makes me wonder if I should explore some other philosophy –maybe Buddhism. Though climbing up the Glastonbury Tor and going to Glastonbury over the X’Mas period makes me want to explore Paganism as well. I now feel blessed to have a lifetime to explore all this.

9) I now feel that living in the West helps you handle loneliness. Me thinks that is a pretty good skill to have. It helps you to think of creative ways of using your time. It gives you options to do the things you wanted to do but never had the time for in India.

10) I now feel that I am not a very pushy, ambitious and therefore not a very nice woman that people back home made me feel I was. That is so liberating!!

11) I now feel so much more beautiful than I did last year at this time. I love my short hair peppered with flecks of grey. I love that I have started eating much more healthily. I actually quite like my cool academic rolled into ex-humanitarian worker rolled into medic image.

12) My sister is much more smarter than people give her credit for. This year she realized that herself. I played a role in helping her get there- makes me proud of myself.

13) I feel as if Aj’s achievements are lik my own achevements. I never thought I would feel so ‘wifey’. It’s not a bad feeling.

14) I have realized that I am no where near considering having children and it still doesn’t worry me enough to go and have a kid.

15) I discovered the joys of having expensive champagne J Wish I had tasted it much, much earlier. I also realized that I quite like expensive cider too.

16) I realized that I have a knack for learning languages. My Spanish classes are going well and I will join Arabic classes this year. Three cheers to London for giving me cheap options to learn stuff. I also love developing stuff on the web. Three cheers to my present job for giving me the opportunity to develop an online course.

17) I have realized that I like energetic dances rather than slow, graceful kinda dance. I didn’t enjoy my belly dancing classes and this year I will join salsa classes.

18) This year made me realize that I love radio- and DAB digital radio rocks!

19) This year saw me turning into a die-hard Arsenal fan – because I like the way the manager Arsene Wenger looks and more importantly talks- sigh… I now listen to most of their matches, feel like I have lost when they do and dance around like a moron when they win. It feels good.

20) I handled the winter much better than last year- yes, I know it has not been very bad this year but I still felt that I have handled the lack of sunlight much better his last year.

Let’s see what the next year brings. I just hope I get those brown perfect brown boots I have looking for all through last year.