The difference between curious and inquisitive

Off we went for my cousin's birthday party at a pub in Warwick Avenue which is one THE poshest addresses to live in. The pub he asked to make our way to was ( for those who are in London) - The Waterway- food didn't look exciting and I felt was a tad expensive but it is a fantastic place to hang out for a drink on a sunny day. The pub overlooks one of the London waterways.

The cousin is Aussie by birth ( thanks for uncles and aunts who decided to migrate to far off lands when it wasn't the encouraged in my family), a lawyer by profession in the best/top firm in London, and is a gem of guy. No airs and graces- very straight foward, down-to-earth kinda person. When he moved here a year back he had broken up with his Aussie girl friend back home. Aj and I were hoping to get him to meet some of the single women we knew and 'fix' him up. So, when he said he had found a girl we were really happy for him. She was there and we met her. She is Dutch and just as down-to-earth as he is.

So, we started chatting and like all conversations one thing led to the other and the topic of conversation finally came to how the Dutch approach to first- time conversations is very direct. My friend Gins is Dutch and she too, was very direct in her questions and it never came across as offending to me. No beating around the bush to get one detail about you ( for example - are you married or not? OR what is your visa status ?' I don't know why but got asked this one by cousin's girlfriend). By the way, the first prize for beating around the bush, to get simple information such as, 'what is your job?' goes to...the English (that deserves a separate post all together).

We then tried to discern the difference between the Indian and Dutch approach to first-time conversations. The conversation then proceeded to how Indians are inquisitive. Then I said the famous words, ' the Dutch are curious while the Indians are inquisitive'. A trait, I feel is pretty universally present among most Indians I know. I am guilty of being inquisitive in the past - it was none of my buisness to know some of the details I asked about. But, I am happy to admit that since the last 3- 4 years I conciously check myself and make it point to just stop asking those questions. And it feels great! It saves a lot of time and energy. Plus, I now figure what the hell will I do with that information anyway. Wish I had done it much earlier.

Anyway, coming back to the point. Cousin then said that, ' it is the inquisitiveness coupled with the fact I feel assessed , judged in some way, that I feel uncomfortable talking to Indians'. Aj said, ' yes, exactly, if I tell a vegetarian that I eat non-vegetarian food, they immediately ask, ' so,do you eat beef?!',along with an expression that doesn't hide the fact that they are totally against eating beef and are in the process of judging in some way'. A value judgement of sorts. An attempt to put you in a slot in some way - Hindu, non-Hindu, good , bad, married, single + add their judgement . For instance non-Hindu= eat non-veg that too beef/pork and supposedly drink beer/alcohol regularly/socially= not very nice people ( from the Hindu perspective). Hmm....this was getting interesting.

We came back and the question was still making its rounds in my head- curious or inquisitive? What is the actual difference? Aj then went to tell me the origin of the word 'inquisitive'- that came from originally describing the Spanish Inquisition. Well, maybe the Indians I know ( family and friends are not as bad as those involved in the Spanish inquisition but boy! they definitely are a handful!) I then looked up a online dictionary - and the term inquisitive means- 'unduly curious and inquiring'. Oh yes!When I read that, a lot of the questions and the probing done by countless aunties, uncles, mamajis, cousins and second cousins, colleagues, and bosses made a lot of sense. They WERE just unduly curious= inquisitive. I don't know why but just that clarity makes me feel a lot better. Just having that simple insight makes me feel powerful. As in, the next time someone asks me too many questions I KNOW where they are coming from.

Over and out.