Relationships -Part II

Last week I had this really interesting conversation with another classmate who is from Somaliland (all about Somalia here). G has lived outside her country since she was 2 years old.But her sense of personal identity is, Somali.We get along famously. She is married toan Eastern European! How diverse can one's choice be?!

An excerpt from a conversation we had over an Indian meal I had cooked:
Me- Do you think Somaliland is a viable state? Do you think it will survive?
G- I think it is tough. We don't have any infrastructure after all those years of civil war.Plus, no real industry as such that we can say is our main source of economy.But the problem is that people have been systematically discriminated against for so many years that they don't want to re-engage with the South (Somalia) anymore. The fact that the international community hasn't recognized both the governments doesn't help either.It is a complicated matter.
Me- So has your dad accepted your marriage now? ( G's dad didn't attend the wedding)
G- Yes, he has...but I think he will not leave Somaliland now, I will have to visit him if I want him to see my husband.
Me- Hmmm...was it tough for him because you married someone younger than you?
G- I think the fact that he was white was a bigger problem!! Because at my age Sun, folks are happy to see you married to anyone I gues (G is about 38 years old).
Besides in Somali culture it is accepted if a woman is married to someone younger. It is not an aberration you know. The Prophet's first wife was 23 years older than him.
Me -WHAT!!!!! The Prophet married a woman 23 years older than him! I didn't know that.
G- Oh yes, in fact if a woman is marrying late , her family will suggest that she could consider marrying someone younger.
Me- In India, it is pretty much not done. Of course it happens but I don't think it is encouraged.
(I was thinking of a close friend and ex-colleague of mine (a psychiatrist) who married someone younger than her and he (a physician) was unable to handle the pressure the society put on them.Within a year he decided to end his life and was successful. Images of that day , exactly a week after Sept.11th,are fresh in my memory - 6:30pm,Bangalore, me at home, the phone ringing, my professor asking me to come to the hospital as it was an emergency,saying something about suicide, my hands trembling,my mother asking me to go in an auto as I was not in a state to ride my bike, my dear friend totally shattered,I got her back to my place that night, me and another colleague keeping guard over her, trying to make her eat....the visitors to my place....oh, it was horrible...I feel that marriage would have survived if they had left India for awhile...)
G- what happened?
Me- Nothing , I just thought of how little it takes to make or break a relationship.

When I related my friend's experience to G, she was horrified. For me it was something I could only wish my friend had the advantage of...I wish people would'nt get so agitated if they married someone younger in my country.I met G's husband yesterday and got drunk with G and him over lunch at a local pub!He was an amazing guy.They make a perfect pair. Touch wood.